Seeing the onc, and other weird abbreviations...

Here's the jargon: Dx 21/10/10, Mx and ANC 12/11/10, Grade 3, 3.2mm, 1 node affctd, Er+, HER2-, chemo: 3FEC, 3TAX, poss. rads, Tamox 5yrs.

No, a few weeks ago I wouldn't have had a clue what that meant either...

I saw the oncologist just over a week ago, and discussed the regime necessary.  Basically, it will be 6 cycles of chemotherapy, three weeks apart.  The first three will be FEC, three different chemo drugs (one beginning with F, one E and one C) and three of Taxotere, as swapping mid-way gives me the best prognosis.  This will definitely be followed by 5 years of Tamoxifen, which is an oestregen suppresant.. hello menopause!

I may or may not need radiotherapy after the chemotherapy.  Apparently during the team meeting to discuss my case it was stated that the surgery had achieved clear margins around the tumor (ie, tissue unaffected by cancer), but the oncologist brought up my pathology report on screen, and that disputed those findings.  So, someone is wrong.. and she's looking into the correct answer - which will then dictate whether rads (radiotherapy) are appropriate.  Basically, if the margins weren't clear, I will need three weeks of rads to my 'breast' area to eradicate any cells that may have been missed during surgery.  Rads will be a walk in the park post chemo.. but it does mean travelling daily to Southampton for treatment, as it isn't done in Salisbury.  Fun, fun, fun.  Have you see the parking situation at So'ton general hospital???

Then off I went this Monday just gone for my 'pre-chemo' chat with the chemo-nurses.  I will be starting treatment on 17th December, which will hopefully mean that I feel almost normal by Christmas - certainly the worst of any initial side effects (se's) should be done, any nausea etc etc.  Might be an interesting Christmas Dinner if I still feel rough!!! Pizza, anyone?

I will lose my hair, that's a cert.  Three out of the four chemo drugs in my regime cause hair loss.  I was offered something called a 'cold cap' which is nothing to do with inuit contraception.  It basically freezes your head whilst the chemo is being dripped in, which constricts the blood vessels in the scalp, so that hopefully the drug doesn't manage to wreak havoc in your hair follicles.  Unfortunately, it can mean that any cancer cells that have made it to the scalp don't get battered.. so secondary cancer on your head is a slim possibility.

Sod the secondaries... I just don't fancy sitting with an ice pack on my head for an hour at a time - so I turned that down.  Bye bye hair.  Good excuse to internet shop.. bandanas/hats/wigs... it's a whole new world.  Not sure that this weather is the greatest time to say goodbye to hair... but hey, it'll grow back.

I will prob. lose ALL hair.. everywhere.. and the only thing that worries me is .... eyebrows.  Have a horrid image of David Bowie in The Man who Fell to Earth.  Smooth skull is one thing.. no eyebrows is just plain freaky.  May have to drastically improve my ability to put make up on.  Did look into eyebrow tattoos (hey, a tattoo is a tattoo, right?), but at £350 that's a tad on the pricey side for a temporary fix.  Plus I may end up looking very strange and not being able to change it... so I think I'll stick to an eyebrow pencil.  And maybe false lashes..?

I ordered a wig off ebay (just for shits and giggles, as my son would say)... long, black with vibrant burgundy streaks throughout. It's great.  Looks brilliant on my daughter, and worryingly, also pretty good on son and husband, but not great on me.  Poss. would be ok with a ton of make-up, but if not, I'm sure it will see life at parties... and it was only twenty quid.  Now eyeing up a fire engine red bob... watch this space....  I do get a free wig from the NHS, and have my appointment with the Wig Lady on 13th December, but have a feeling that NHS wigs might be a little more conservative!

My son has advised me that when I take the decision to clipper off my hair (when it begins to fall out), that I may have a mohican again, just for 24 hours.  41 is definitely too old for mohicans, but mmmmm, I'm tempted.  Just because I can!  I did love my mohican.. at 17... and if nothing else, it would be good for horrifying my mother with all over again.

So that's me, right now - feeling perfectly ok, really.  My left arm is still tingling and sore from surgery, though it's not got an external mark on it, but apparently that should settle down within the next.. six months or so.  Or  possibly not at all, but I'll get used to it.  Did get advised by a friend on BCC to wear a tubigrip on it, and that does help, but it's so damn annoying.  You think losing a breast is as bad as it gets, but then you discover there's a whole joyful world of strange sensations to encounter.

I also get my prosthesis breast before Christmas, on Dec. 21st, so will have to go to M&S to get properly measured before then.  That will be interesting! I thought I was a 38DD... any bets? I have discovered I am actually only 34, max 36" around top.. but cup size is a mystery.....

Oh, and when you meet me, you can still hug me.  Doesn't feel weird to me! And I don't care if you can't stop staring at my chest.. gives me a chance to get used to it.. after all, I still intend to ultimately have a rack that the Pope himself wouldn't be able to take his eyes off....