First full day as a mono-breasted woman..

I'm home!! I was discharged at 10am this morning, absolutely true to the nurses' words - never been so efficiently processed before.. when one of the kids has been in, we've always had to wait for the pharmacy to send up meds/doctor to reach us on rounds/nurse to take out canula etc etc, and been hanging round for hours.  Not today!

Op all went smoothly - though apparently I woke up in theatre! I have no recollection of this whatsoever, but my surgeon came to see me once I was out of recovery, and asked if I remembered waking up! She told me it was as they were 'tidying up', and I cheerily said hello, how were they doing and then was thunked under again by the anaethetist! I came round very rapidly in recovery too, but got the shudders, so was enveloped in a fab hot air bubble for 20 minutes - like living in a thermos flask, just gorgeous.

It occurred to me about half an hour after my post-op chat with the surgeon that when she'd said 'tidying up' she was referring to my chest area, and not having a quick wipe down of the tables and a hoover after sewing me up..

Moved to the ward, the breast care nurse came to see me, gave me a 'softie' which is basically a fluff filled fibre pocket to stick down my bra until I get measured for a prosthesis.  Honestly? Not sure I'm going to bother with the softie.. they are so lightweight that I've heard tales of them migrating out of the bra - can I really be bothered?  Luckily, with it being November, layering is the name of the game for everyone, so scarf and coat should suffice when I go out.  I don't think my breasts are the first thing people ever notice anyway - they weren't that impressive at 21, never mind at 41.

I did have a peek in the mirror when I put my new pjs on and got out of the hospital gown - it's amazingly neatly bandaged and just, well, flat!  It doesn't even look like a chest area.. which brings me to wonder, if someone had bi-lateral mx (both boobs off), could they walk around topless in the summer?  I think the lack of nipples would look seriously freaky, but you can get (apparently, the things we learn) stick on nipples... I think I'd be well tempted if I had no boobs - as it is, I already have less than half the moobs you see in town in the summer.. (Moob = Man boob, just in case!!).  I'd thought a while back that it would be a sort of breastless barbie image I'd have - pink and shiny and flat - and to be honest, right now, that's not too far off the mark.  Completely unthreatening, but let's be honest, completely sexless, too.  I have more sex appeal in my little fingernail now than in the whole of my left breast, which is weird.

Still can't get past the image of my left breast living a life on its own - completely separate to me.  Was discussing this with my son just now - def. spongebob imagery - of a cartoon breast whizzing around a hospital in a wheelchair from department to department (oncology/pathology.. next stop morgue..), hurtling out of a lift, stopping for a coffee .. I know, utterly ridiculous, yet strangely compelling.  It also occurs to me that my breast will have been handled and scrutinised by more people in the last 24 hours than have seen it at all in the last 20 years...

I have my post-op appointment next Friday, so that'll be the results of the biopsies of tumour and all lymph nodes then.  Can't get worried about that yet, just got to remember to do my arm exercises (reach out arm, pick up coffee, reach out arm, pick up phone, twirl wrist, point and click remote).  Oh, and tell work that I've apparently been signed off for six weeks....

(I said two - it was close!)